drifters…

sometimes i feel like we have run our course. like its nearing the end of something great. no matter how hard i try or how much i want to adjust the differences we just don’t work. is it because we are getting older, our pieces don’t fit the same way anymore? is there something they have that i don’t?
i can’t change me, and you can’t change you. but wouldn’t it be a shame if things fell apart now…when forever is still ahead of us?
i miss a lot of things, the way things used to be easy. i miss lots of laughter and not so many forced conversations and fake smiles.
age seems to make the easiest things the most difficult. and i’m not really sure what to do about that.

whats worse…this post is about several people…

blech…

freaking i need something exciting! i need a release…
have i found it already?

is it so wrong to miss my old friends? is it so wrong to wish things were the way they were. i love my life, and the people in it. and i know i’m growing up and changing. but some of my best memories are of  a time where i was with the whole group…doing nothing but talking. i love them, they are my family…period.

blah…

so dissapointing to hear things about people you love. why do they make the choices they do? who influenced them? why didn’t they choose a different path?

should you ever come across this post…

this isn’t you…you know better. think of all you have ahead of you. start making better choices now. choices that better you, choices that draw people to you, not push them away. i love you.

i’m waiting for the storm…

is it possible that things can go this well for this long? things are ok. i think i’m happy. what’s about to hit me in the face??

ahhhh

so the semester is finally done. i start a summer class next week but i have faith that it won’t be so bad. i think the difficulty of this semester might show in my grades this time…no dean’s list for me this semester. i think i can live with that, i tried really hard.

things with everyone are finally ok. i love him, she’s back and everything is moving forward.

a sigh of relief….

i love you.

this semester…

needs to be over. its exceptionally painful when you don’t even want the outcome anymore. i’ll make it through, i always do. just feel like it’s all about to be a huge waste. i’m thinking about running away.

how about some positive??

i have lots of people in my life to love

tears…

i cried today…pretty good. i feel like i’m still waiting for that absolution. that conversation or grand gesture that says i love you, i’m here and i won’t leave you ever again.

i don’t bring it up, i know it’s annoying. i hate nagging and i don’t want to push you away. but how long to i have to settle for nothing just make you comfortable?

it’s not a matter of me wanting this.

i need it. if i can ever move forward and let go…i need it.

trust.

when the people that are that close take your trust its impossible to trust them again. you want to, so badly. to believe they mean what they say. but how can you ever really know for sure again?

you can’t. its a gamble. you bet your heart and your life on letting these people back in and all you can hope for is that you are going to be strong enough this time if they pull the rug out from underneath you.